“You dated Mr. Big, I’m dating Mr Too Big” - Samantha Jones
We’ve all heard the phrase "boyfriend dick", that just-right size that’s perfect for consistent, comfortable sex. But what happens when your love interest is on the much larger side? While a big penis might sound like a jackpot on paper (and in porn), the reality can be a little less sexy if you're not prepared.
Penetrative sex with a well-endowed partner can lead to issues like pain, bruising, vaginal tearing, or feeling overwhelmed during oral. And it’s not just a “you” problem, people with larger-than-average penises often struggle with the fear of hurting their partner or being told sex with them is too painful to continue.The good news? Size-related challenges can be worked through with care, patience, and a little prep. Whether it’s your first rodeo or you're dating someone seriously hung, here’s how to make sure pleasure, not pain, is the main event.
1. Communication is Key
Open communication is your most powerful tool when it comes to navigating size differences. Before things heat up, have an honest, shame-free conversation about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you’re nervous about. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m excited, but I’ve never been with someone your size before - can we take it slow?”
This not only helps your partner understand your needs, but it also builds emotional intimacy and trust, two things that are vital to good sex. Likewise, partners who are very well-endowed may feel self-conscious about hurting someone or unsure about how to pace things. A little reassurance goes a long way.
Lizzie Lew explains: "Good sex starts with good communication. Discussing your boundaries and concerns beforehand allows you to relax and enjoy the experience fully, especially when size is a factor."
2. Take Your Time (And Then Some)
When you're dealing with a larger-than-average penis, slow and gentle should be your guiding motto. Quick or rough thrusting, especially early on, can cause microtears, bruising, or post-sex soreness (ice packs at the ready). Instead of rushing into penetration, spend time on extended foreplay to help your body relax and open up naturally.
Clitoral stimulation, kissing, massage, and oral sex can all help with arousal, which increases natural lubrication and makes it easier for your body to adjust. The more turned on you are, the more elastic and accommodating your vaginal walls will be.
And remember, going slow isn’t just about physical readiness, it’s about mental and emotional comfort too. The more at ease you are, the more likely you are to enjoy yourself.
3. Practice with Sex Toys to Build Comfort and Confidence
If you’re new to bigger sizes, it can help to experiment solo first. Using dildos or insertable toys with increased girth or length can allow you to explore what feels good and where your comfort zone lies. This gives you a better sense of control and understanding before things get hot with a partner.
Start with slim, body-safe silicone toys and gradually build up in size. Look for options with a tapered tip and a flared base (especially if using them for anal) to make insertion smoother and safer.
Lizzie’s tip: Use this as a fun way to explore with your partner. Trying toys together can take the pressure off and add an element of playfulness and trust to the bedroom.
We have some larger dildos for those looking for that fuller feeling!
4. Choose Sex Positions That Prioritise Comfort
When it comes to deep penetration, not all positions are created equal. Certain positions naturally allow for shallower penetration, making them ideal for adjusting to a larger penis. Try starting with:
Spooning – intimate and gentle, with more control over depth
Missionary with your legs together – helps restrict deep thrusts
Cowgirl – allows you to set your own pace and depth
On the other hand, avoid going straight into positions like doggy style or legs-over-shoulders, which tend to be more intense. Save those for later when your body is fully warmed up and you're feeling confident.
Lizzie’s tip: Use pillows under your hips or lower back to control angles and make things feel more comfortable and pleasurable.
5. Lube is Non-Negotiable
No matter how turned on you are, lube is a must-have when you’re dealing with a big penis. Friction can cause irritation, small tears, or general discomfort, especially if you're trying to take in more than you're used to. A good quality lubricant acts like a cushion, reducing resistance and making everything glide more easily.
For vaginal sex, water-based lube is a great all-rounder (and toy-safe). For longer sessions or anal play, consider a silicone-based formula for long-lasting slickness.
But be warned, lube can make things very slippery, very fast. When you're working with extra size, even one quick thrust can go deeper than you intended. So keep a hand on your partner’s hips or base of the penis to control depth if needed.
6. Oral? Use Throat Spray and Hands Together
Giving oral to someone very well-endowed can be daunting, especially if you have a sensitive gag reflex. Deep throat sprays or gels with mild numbing agents (usually benzocaine-based) can help by relaxing your throat muscles. But always use these cautiously and in small amounts until you know how your body responds.
The most important thing: don’t try to go all the way down unless it feels comfortable for you. Use your hand to stroke the base while your mouth focuses on the head and upper shaft. Most people will feel just as much pleasure from the combo—and you'll avoid unnecessary strain.
Take breaks, use lots of spit or lube, and remember: deep-throating is not a requirement for good oral sex.
7. Listen to Your Body (And Speak Up)
This one should go without saying, but it’s often overlooked in the moment: if something doesn’t feel right then stop. There’s no shame in needing a break or switching positions. If you're feeling bruised, sore, or uncomfortable during or after sex, communicate that with your partner.
It may take a few tries to find what works for your body, and that’s okay. Great sex isn't just about size, it’s about trust, consent, and mutual enjoyment. And if you need to say "not tonight" because your body needs rest? That’s just smart self-care.
